Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
