OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
