I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
