he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
