It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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