someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
pop tarts are not kleenex
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
