1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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