I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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