I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I stole a fireplace last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
