apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
