No awkward lesbian experiences without me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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