Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
