so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
