i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
