You're my little dorito
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
