I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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