She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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