Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
