life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
