Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Send help, water and tortillas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
