His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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