i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
