You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
