Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
