hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
