Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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