i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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