How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
