Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
