Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
