I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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