so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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