No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
