Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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