nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
