you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
