Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
