if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
