Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
