just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
