Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
