The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
