It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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