Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
