he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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