I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
