Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
