If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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