ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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