Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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