Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
