Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
