Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
