ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
