fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
