i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
