During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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