Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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