So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
