You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
