Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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