Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
