Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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