His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
