i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
